Violence Surrounding the Hymen and Wedding Night Rituals

The night a bride has anticipated, filled with pink fairy tales about meeting her intimate partner, can be abruptly shattered by the trauma of breaking the vaginal corona, commonly known as the “hymen.” A few drops of blood become the most significant indicator for the partner to assert his “manhood” and for the family to uphold the “honor” of the young woman. In accordance with these deeply ingrained myths, a young woman who bleeds on her wedding night is deemed honorable, and a family that verifies this is perceived as one of dignified lineage.

In our Arabic-speaking societies, men’s “honor” is intricately tied to the bodies of the women in their family. A young woman’s body remains the property of her family until marriage, at which point ownership is transferred to her husband. There are no laws that punish sexual violence within marriage, as legislative and executive bodies fail to acknowledge marital rape. Women who report such violence are often stigmatized as promiscuous and accused of bringing “scandal” to their families.

In this context, many women experience violence on their wedding night, driven by the misconception that all women have a vaginal corona that must tear upon first penetration. This false belief induces extreme fear and can lead to long-term psychological trauma, negatively affecting their relationships with themselves and their partners.

The myth surrounding the hymen and its association with blood is deeply intertwined with ideas of morality, proper upbringing, and most importantly, “family honor.” Societal norms condition women’s control over their bodies and sexuality to marriage, and anyone perceived as violating these norms is met with suspicion and violence.

One woman recounts:
“When we visited the doctor, she assured us that the amount of bleeding was ‘very normal.’ Ever since that visit, I’ve struggled emotionally with intimacy and have grown to hate sex.”

Sexual Violence on the Wedding Night

“I never imagined my wedding night would be like this. My husband forced himself on me, penetrating me without any foreplay. I begged him to stop, but he didn’t listen. The pain was unbearable, and I bled heavily. When he finished, he glanced at the bed and said, ‘You’ve bled a lot. Go clean yourself.’ Then he left me alone. From that moment, I hated myself and the relationship. Every time he approaches me now, I feel only pain and fear. I try to distance myself, hiding my tears. Sometimes I think about ending my life, but my daughter is the only thing keeping me here.”

Dr. Hiba Issawy, a professor of psychiatry at Ain Shams University, emphasizes that the violence women endure on their wedding night constitutes sexual assault. The American Psychiatric Association classifies this as “intimate partner violence,” a widely recognized term. Issawy explains that this violence is largely driven by toxic masculinity and, in many cases, erectile dysfunction. Rather than seeking treatment, many men resort to aphrodisiacs or engage in harmful practices like the “local dukhla,” where the bride is manually violated to rupture the hymen. These actions cause significant physical and psychological harm, both immediately and in the long term.

Psychological Trauma and Physical Symptoms

Issawy notes that during these violent acts, women often feel dehumanized and terrified. Instead of experiencing sexual pleasure, the brain releases the stress hormone cortisol, which can lead to various physical symptoms such as abdominal pain, numbness, dizziness, nausea, vaginal pain, bruising, and bleeding.

On the psychological side, women may develop a conditional association between the vagina and feelings of pain, fear, and threat, resulting in enduring trauma. This association, if left untreated, can lead to atypical depression, often manifesting through physical symptoms such as psychosomatic pain.

The United Nations Economic and Social Commission defines “intimate partner violence” as behavior by a partner that causes physical, sexual, or psychological harm, including sexual coercion and controlling behaviors.

According to the patriarchal myth of the vaginal corona, the more blood a woman sheds on her wedding night, the more her family’s “honor” is upheld. In many cases, women are subjected to suspicion and violence if the amount of bleeding is deemed insufficient, with moral accusations leveled at them until their “innocence” is proven.

In our societies, women’s bodies and sexuality remain taboo subjects. Families deliberately instill fear in young girls, making them apprehensive about their own bodies. This childhood fear often leads to severe cramping that can hinder sexual intercourse on the wedding night and persist long after. A society that does not hold husbands accountable for sexual violence is the same one that condemns women who suffer under such dehumanizing practices.

Elastic Membrane or Damaged Reputation?

Zeina recalls:
“After the wedding night, my husband had violent sex with me to break my hymen. I bled, but he was dissatisfied, convinced that the amount of blood was insufficient and made him ‘suspicious.’ The next day, he took me to the doctor, along with his mother, to verify the bleeding was ‘normal.’ The doctor confirmed that everything was perfectly fine and that brides do not need to bleed heavily on their wedding night. But ever since that day, I’ve struggled emotionally and hate having sex.”

Dr. Yasmine Abul Azm, an obstetrician and gynecologist at Balqis Central Hospital, explains that the vaginal corona is a very thin membrane about 2 cm from the vaginal opening, and it doesn’t always bleed during first-time sex. When it does, the amount of blood is minimal due to the presence of small capillaries in the tissue. However, some women are born without a vaginal corona, or the membrane may have fused with the vaginal tissue during puberty.

Abul Azm points out that in many rural areas, the absence of bleeding on the wedding night is suspicious. In such cases, families may suspect premarital sex, leading to medical intervention to “resolve” the matter, often termed a “test of honor.” She emphasizes that poor sex education contributes to widespread sexual ignorance, which in turn fuels wedding night violence.

A Private Moment Turned into a Public Spectacle

Societal expectations impose a wall of silence on women, compelling them to conform to the image of a “polite and modest” woman. Wedding night violence takes a severe toll on women’s mental health, triggering trauma that resurfaces whenever they engage in sex.

“I got married at thirteen, which was common in our village. My wedding was full of celebration, but I was terrified and knew nothing about marriage or sex. When I was ushered into the bedroom, a group of women, including a midwife, forced me to the floor and spread my legs. I felt something sharp cutting into my body. I screamed, but they continued until they were finished. They then handed a bloodstained cloth to one of the men, and the celebrations erupted. I was left alone, exhausted and in pain.”

Wedding Night Violence and Egyptian Law

Feminist and human rights activist Lamiaa Lotfy highlights that many women endure violence on their wedding night, either at the hands of their husbands or their families. This is especially common when the woman resists the act, as families often associate her resistance with doubts about her sexual history. These doubts are even more prevalent when the bride is a minor, a practice still common in some rural regions.

Legally, underage marriages can be prosecuted if officially registered, but many families circumvent this by not registering the marriage to avoid legal repercussions. Furthermore, there are no penalties for sexual violence within marriage. If a bride is subjected to violence by her family on her wedding night, the act is considered “defilement” under Egyptian law.

Lotfy stresses that women in Arabic-speaking societies face systemic barriers that strip them of ownership over their bodies, first placing them under family control and later transferring ownership to the husband. This perpetuates a cycle of violence that increases the prevalence of sexual abuse on the wedding night.

According to societal customs and traditions, the wedding night still revolves around the vaginal corona. As soon as a girl shows signs of puberty, efforts begin to control her behavior and suppress her sexuality. The patriarchal myth linking the hymen to morality and female sexuality continues to dominate women’s lives.

Given the increasing societal constraints that silence women, there is an urgent need for laws that protect women from sexual violence within marriage.

• The testimonies in this article are based on a questionnaire conducted by journalist May Saudi.
• All identities have been anonymized to protect privacy.